


Saturday Relief

by asoftplacetoland



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Anal Fingering, And Steve Kornacki Gets His Well Deserved Cameo, Cock Worship, David Has Election Nerves, Dirty Talk, Domestic Fluff, Floor Sex, Humor, Husbands, Kissing, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Married Life, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Patrick Helps Him Through It, Riding, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:01:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27483151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asoftplacetoland/pseuds/asoftplacetoland
Summary: After an anxious week of election news coverage, David and Patrick celebrate in their own way. Hint: their way is floor sex.
Relationships: Johnny Rose/Moira Rose, Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Comments: 19
Kudos: 137
Collections: Politics? What Politics?





	Saturday Relief

**Author's Note:**

> I THOUGHT LAST WEEK WOULD NEVER END BUT THEN IT FINALLY DID ON SATURDAY MORNING AT 11:25 AM. 
> 
> I tried to write straight filth but ended up working through a bit of the post-election coverage hangover I had through it so I hope the filth I do have is enough for you, dear readers.
> 
> The rest of this fic happened thanks to a suggestion from [Olive31](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Olive31/pseuds/Olive31) and also includes a real life parallel from my favorite Canadian [thescholasticskipper](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thescholasticskipper/pseuds/thescholasticskipper) who has been without her TJ's for many months now. 
> 
> I hope you all enjoy! 🇺🇸

David drummed his fingers along the tabletop, leg bouncing with anticipation as he waited for his coffee to brew. His nerves were fried as he anxiously awaited election results, which was not a sentence he’d every thought would filter through his head. He’d been following the coverage with bated breath as he awaited the fate of their southern neighbors and the current home of his sister and parents. Alexis had sent him a selfie with her ‘I Voted’ sticker prominently displayed on her finger on Tuesday morning. She’d worn a smart looking white pantsuit and a slicked back ponytail to her polling place because she’d gone right from a meeting and people had mistaken her for a congressional candidate. His mother and father, thankfully, had submitted their ballots by mail weeks ago, though Moira had made quite the splash during the Sunrise Bay “Get Out the Vote” event with an impassioned and unplanned rendition of “You’re A Grand Old Flag” that went viral on TikTok. His father had made sure every stateside employee of Rosebud Motel Group had election day off to vote and he’d sent an elaborate lunch to the poll workers in his district as a thank you on their fourth straight day of ballot counting.

David, who had spent every moment glued to the TV or his phone since Tuesday night, was such a mess Patrick had announced early that morning he was going to pick up breakfast from David’s favorite bakery in Elm Glen. David had started to move in the direction of getting dressed to join him but Patrick had pushed him back into the pillows with a soft smile.

“I’m pretty sure you’re working on day three in that sweater, baby.” Patrick teased but they both knew David hadn’t exactly been himself the past few days. “I’ve got breakfast handled. Why don’t you go grab a hot shower, get yourself nice and clean. I'll get a pot of coffee set up on the timer and I’ll be back in a bit with doughnuts.” David sighed but followed Patrick’s orders. He felt better standing under the spray of the water, cleaning his body efficiently and thoroughly. Perhaps by the time Patrick got back, they’d both be up for more than just one of the quick hand jobs they’d been ending their days with. This week, they had become less of a specific want for sexual contact and more of a desperate attempt to get David worn out enough to go sleep.

It had worked for a couple of days until the early Friday morning when Patrick found David on the couch at 3:00 AM scrolling through Steve Kornacki’s Instagram and happy crying over Georgia.

“Georgia flipped blue, Patrick! And they could potentially control the Senate with the runoffs. Steve said there’s going to be runoffs now because no one got over 50% of the vote!” David had insisted sleepily as Patrick guided him back to bed while Patrick just shook his head fondly.

“I didn’t realize you two were on a first name basis.” David had sighed out deeply even as he allowed himself to be led up the stairs.

“Steve just cares so much, Patrick. I hope he gets to call the election in the end. It’s what he deserves.” David had slurred as Patrick pulled back the covers and all but swaddled David up in the comforter before sliding into bed himself. He cuddled David close, wrapping his arms around his waist and spooning up behind him leaving him no choice but to fall back to sleep.

“Okay, David. No more politics for you until at least 9:00 AM. It's bedtime.” David had heard in his ear just before he drifted off.

The coffee pot beeped, and David dragged himself over toward it to make his cup of coffee. If he added heavy cream instead of his normal skim milk, the only living thing to judge him in their home was Patrick’s collection of house plants hanging over by the bay window. David clutched his coffee in his hands and made his way into the living room to turn on the television. Steve was at his usual post at the big board on the screen, frantically scribbling out percentages with his fingers and going on and on about the mail-in ballots in Philadelphia. Suddenly a breaking news graphic flashed across the screen and Steve was replaced by one of the desk journalists. David huffed angrily at the TV.

“Don’t be rude and cut away from my Steve!” David scolded the television and then promptly spilled his coffee all over the coffee table as he leapt to his feet with a shout. His phone began to buzz frantically, likely a phone call from Alexis, but the sound of the lock turning in their front door took all of his attention.

“David, I’m home!" Patrick called from the doorway. "They even had election themed donuts this morning, so I got—" Patrick stuttered to a halt as he stepped into the living room, pastry box in hand as he glanced between David and the television with wide eyes. “They called it?” Patrick asked, his voice cautiously optimistic and David nodded, grinning from ear to ear while bouncing up on the balls of his feet in obvious delight.

Patrick dropped the pastry box off on the kitchen counter and then rushed to close the gap between them. David wrapped his arms around Patrick’s neck as their mouths crashed together, kissing and laughing with a few happy tears mixed in from David and a guttural groan from Patrick. Patrick licked inside David’s mouth as he pulled David along by the hips to grind his half hard cock into David’s thigh. David moaned into Patrick’s mouth and Patrick shifted his hands to David’s ass, squeezing him roughly through his joggers.

“Been wanting to do this to you all week.” Patrick panted against David’s mouth and David went easily when Patrick practically wrestled him to the floor. Patrick pressed David into the carpet, kissing and biting along his neck like a man possessed. He reached underneath David to knead at his ass with both hands now. “Wanted to feel this tight ass around me but you were so distracted.” Patrick continued, switching gears to work a hand into the front David’s pants. He grinned down at David wickedly when he was met with no underwear, just bare skin, and he quickly wrapped his fist around David’s leaking cock and began to jerk him off. “Did you get all clean for me like I asked you to?” Patrick whispered, sucking David’s bottom lip into his mouth and biting down just enough that David felt a spark zip down his spine at the rough treatment. Patrick released his lip with a soft pop. “Did you get that dirty little hole all clean for me so I can make it all messy again?” David stared at him wide eyed, overcome with want at Patrick’s words until Patrick squeezed David’s cock, clearly waiting for a response.

“I—ah—of course I did. Got nice and— ** _oh_** clean for you.” David gasped, writhing as Patrick’s thumb worked over the leaking head of his cock, smearing precome and making David twitch beneath him. It was too much after days of perfunctory orgasms and David could feel the pressure building up fast. “ _Patrick!_ ” Patrick must have heard the note of warning in David’s voice, and he dipped the hand working David’s cock down further to tug sharply on his balls. David couldn’t help but pout as he Patrick’s fingers staved off his impending orgasm despite knowing that was exactly what would happen when he shouted.

“Oh no you don’t. You’re going to come on my cock or not at all. I’ve waited days to fuck you.” Patrick said, his voice rough and his eyes dark with want. David huffed and jerked as Patrick rolled his balls roughly between his fingers, somehow even more eager now to have Patrick inside of him than he’d been that morning.

“Bedroom?” David asked hopefully but Patrick shook his head, yanking David’s pants down and off his legs.

“No time. I want you now.” Patrick breathed against David’s ear, nipping at the lobe before he stood to grab the lube that was stashed in between the couch cushions that Stevie somehow always managed to find whenever she sat on their couch. David whipped off his sweatshirt and fisted his cock as he watched Patrick undress. They’d been together long enough now that David had expected to be able to maintain at least some control around his husband, but the sight of Patrick’s naked body never failed to make his cock throb and heat bloom in his stomach. Patrick's strong thighs and firm shoulders were a perfect fair-skinned canvas for his dusty pink nipples and the soft auburn hair that trailed down from his belly button to nest at the base of his thick cock.

Patrick grinned down at him, clearly noting the expression of want on David’s face as he all but kicked the coffee table aside and settled on the floor with his back against the couch. He crooked a single finger in David’s direction and spread his legs wide before beginning to stroke his own cock with a confident smugness that absolutely should not be hot, but it _was._ It made David’s mouth water and he didn't need to be told twice. David rolled onto his side and crawled across the floor, eyes fixed on Patrick’s cock the entire time. He crawled between Patrick’s obscenely spread legs, pressing light kisses to his thighs before dropping onto his stomach to press a kiss to the swollen head of Patrick’s cock. He looked up at Patrick, silently pleading until Patrick threaded his fingers through David’s shower damped hair and fed his cock into David’s eager mouth.

David settled into the familiar task of worshiping Patrick’s cock, trailing his tongue down the length and tasting the bitter salt of the precome leaking steadily from the tip. He used it to help ease his lips down in a sort of massage as Patrick grasped for his hand. The snick of the bottle of lube rang out in the air and David’s cheeks flushed with embarrassment when he realized the TV was still on, the sounds of celebration now a backdrop to their own far more filthy celebration. Patrick coated David’s fingers in the lube and David moaned in understanding, reaching back to finger himself open while he continued to suck Patrick’s cock. Patrick hummed his approval, running his fingers gently through David’s hair.

“That’s it, David, get that pretty little hole ready for my cock. I bet you’re so tight from all the stress this week.” Patrick murmured, tugging lightly on the dark hair between his fingers. David moaned around his mouthful loudly as he struggled with the angle and the tightness as he began to work himself open. He had been tight, stressed, and anxious all week, but each _Good Boy_ or _Pretty Boy_ or _Baby_ from Patrick’s lips made him feel lighter. Patrick used his grip on David’s hair and pulled him up off his cock. David whined low in his throat, but Patrick urged him to sit up and lean back so he could check David’s progress himself. Patrick hooked one strong arm around David’s waist to hold him in place as Patrick probed the tight furl of muscle with his index finger. Frowning, Patrick slicked up his own fingers. “Seems like you can’t focus on sucking my cock and getting yourself ready at the same time, baby. What an eager, desperate little thing you are, drooling around my cock.” Patrick teased and David flushed, embarrassment and arousal filling him in equal measure. “Guess I’ll have to open your little hole up myself.” Patrick sighed as he pressed a slick finger inside.

David did his best to relax around the digit, feeling very much on display while Patrick stared down as his finger pumped in and out of David’s still tight hole. Patrick wasn’t always this demanding but when he was, David was powerless not to give him everything he wanted because Patrick deserved it and Patrick always made sure David got what he deserved in return. A second finger followed the first and David could feel himself slip into a haze of pleasure as Patrick crooked his fingers inside him and brushed up against his prostate. David arched his back and tried to grind down on Patrick’s fingers, but Patrick held him firmly in place. Patrick shook his head fondly, eyes still locked on his own fingers as they twisted and stretched David's hole.

“I’ll give you what you need, baby. Just gotta be patient.” Patrick’s voice was calm and airy as he continued to stretch David open at his own pace, rubbing his thumb along the rim as he added a third finger, and David felt wild with need. Soft whimpers of pleasure fell from his lips when Patrick finally removed his fingers and maneuvered David to kneel around his legs. He gripped his cock and nodded, and David moaned loudly as he sank down the length of Patrick’s cock. He tucked his knees on either side of Patrick’s legs to give himself better leverage and he smoothed his hands over the unshaven stubble on Patrick’s face before drawing him in for a fiery kiss.

He felt Patrick’s hands on his shoulders almost immediately as he began to slowly rock up and down, enjoying the fullness and the stretch of his hole around Patrick’s cock as Patrick kissed and licked and bit at his mouth. “That’s it, ride me, sweetheart. You look so good on my cock.” Patrick groaned against his lips. Patrick’s blunt fingernails scratched along his back, urging David along as he undulated his hips, filling himself even further. It was a slow, steady thing, relearning the pleasure of their joined bodies and David felt drunk on the feeling of Patrick’s cock throbbing inside him. The heat between them as they drank in each other’s moans was too intense, too much, and yet perfect all at once. David’s cock left streaks of pearly white precome across Patrick’s stomach as he continued to raise himself up and down the length of Patrick’s cock.

Patrick broke their frantic kissing to wrap both arms around David’s hips and he used the leverage to buck up hard. David gasped as the new angle forced sudden pressure on his prostate. “There it is, that’s what you need. Are you going to come for me, David? Do you feel good?” Patrick murmured, gripping David’s hips hard enough to bruise and David nodded frantically.

“Yes, God, yes, Patrick please!” David begged, unsure if he was begging for more pressure on his prostate or a tight hand around his cock or more filthy praise. Patrick nuzzled David’s cheek, pressing a chaste kiss to his jaw even as he thrust up hard.

“So pretty on my cock and so pretty when you beg. Tell me what you want and it’s yours.” Patrick said in between kisses, his voice commanding. David groaned, unable to find the words as Patrick continued to fuck up into him. He could feel his balls tighten and his cock was now leaking heavily, and Patrick’s eyes on him were so intense he felt like the sexiest thing on the planet.

“Your—your hand on my cock, please please _please_ , Patrick.” David pleaded, his voice thin and needy and so very desperate. Patrick grinned, rubbing a palm soothingly over the head of David’s cock as he settled David into his lap for a moment. David whined at the treatment, the direct contact just on the edge of too much after his cock had been ignored for so long.

“Hush, baby.” Patrick shushed as he wrapped a hand around David’s cock. “It’s time for you to come for me like a good boy.” Patrick stroked him with practiced ease, his hand slicked with precome and sweat and lube. David felt like he was on fire as they both watched Patrick’s hand moving fast around his cock and before long David came with a wail, his vision whiting out at the edges as he painted their chests with come. Patrick let go as soon as David started to come and thrust up hard a handful of times, nailing David’s prostate as he worked his cock in and out. Before long he came inside David with a loud moan, filling him with his release as David shivered through the aftershocks of his own orgasm. David wrapped his arms around Patrick’s neck, not bothered by the mess between them and Patrick pulled him into a tight hug as they breathed together. David cupped the back of his head tenderly, so in love with his husband for taking care of him the past week, for seeing him so clearly, and for giving him exactly what he needed.

David's loving thoughts were interrupted when he noticed Patrick’s chest heaving beneath his own and David pulled back from what he'd thought was a loving moment moment to see Patrick was actually laughing.

“I’m sorry was that filthy but tender sex funny to you in some way?” David asked with a raised eyebrow although he couldn’t help but smile as Patrick let out a bright, happy laugh in response.

“No, no. It’s not that.” Patrick said, shaking his head but unable to stop laughing. “That was amazing but I just realized this means we can finally stop feeling guilty for crossing the border to go to Trader Joe’s.” Patrick lost it again, bursting into a peal of hysterical giggles so addictive that David found himself giggling along too. They untangled themselves and stood, still laughing even as their knees popped and David felt a bit of come trickle down his thigh. A quick shower and outfit change later, they made their way down into the kitchen to tackle the abandoned box of pastries.

They had garishly blue iced donuts and butter tarts for breakfast at the kitchen island and Patrick popped a bottle of Prosecco they had been saving for a special occasion. He winked at David as he poured them both a coffee mug full of the sparkling wine. They settled on the couch with their mugs, leaning heavily into one another as they did. David turned up the TV to watch the celebrations from around the world while Patrick curled into his side and made his celebratory Trader Joe’s shopping list on his phone, and for one brief moment, everything was just as it should be.

**Author's Note:**

> Send me your best election memes on [tumblr](https://subitodolcediva.tumblr.com/). Bonus points if they are Philly related. (Go Birds!)


End file.
